Ahhhh, having it all. What does that really mean?
House, career, family and a poppin’ Instagram feed? Maybe. I challenge the notion of having it all, understanding that it’s impossible and not necessarily realistic.
A reality check: my house isn’t exactly clean right now. There’s baskets of clean clothes waiting to get to their destination. My to-do list is long, but I keep visiting the Southwest website mentally planning a vacation. I don’t always do well with eating breakfast and find myself eating hot chips at 10 AM (let the judgement commence).
On the other side of that, I’d like to think I’m killin’ it in other areas. My husband and I are working daily to build the life we want together and that means figuring out everything from dish duty to our next childless vacation. Parenting, for all of its challenges, is pushing me to handle myself in a better way. After all, I am my daughter’s first role model and know how much she’s watching me. I also enjoy the career I’m building and the opportunities I help create for students in Kansas City.
My reality is that having it all isn’t my goal. I often joke about being #TeamTooMuch and I know myself well enough to know when I’m getting there. For me, that looks like weekends filled with places to be and weeknight commitments that leave me drained. I can also see it when my space gets a little too cluttered and I end up prioritizing the not-so-important tasks, while procrastinating on the big ones. Before I get there, I have to plan ahead and remember that rest needs to be prioritized as well.
Furthermore, I don’t get to do all the things that I want to do without a supportive partner. In practice, this looks like sticking to the household and parenting duties we’ve agreed to, while also adjusting in real time when life begins to do what it does best: life. My husband doesn’t hesitate to help me reel it in when he recognizes that I’m overwhelmed or getting there. We also get to do life and creating time for us because of my mother. Not only does the time my daughter get a chance to keep a strong bond with Gaga, we get a chance to stay connected and grounded as a couple, knowing that it strengthens our entire family unit.
Of course, I can’t neglect myself, Crystal, the individual. Showing up for myself is a daily, intentional practice. I get up before my squad just to get myself grounded, to feel like I’ve had a few minutes for me before the morning hustle and bustle. It might also mean a glass of wine and a bubble bath on a weeknight, journaling to get thoughts out of my head, taking a walk, getting a pedicure or ordering takeout to preserve my energy.
I heard something recently about the idea of balance not necessarily being the goal and I’m sitting with that thought, especially as I understand that having it all is impossible. There will always be some give and take, but the most important lesson is holding you and who you value close, while eliminating anything that isn’t in alignment with said values. Easier said than done, perhaps. Yet in all things, being consistent in that practice is definitely a game changer.
Photo Credit: Black Coffee Photo Co.