On Tuesday, September 27, 2022, I officially became a published author. The road to publication has been nothing short of a journey, however, I am proud of this project.
To celebrate the release of the book, my publisher, LaunchCrate, hosted a virtual launch party. Rae Daniel, reporter and anchor for KSHB and one of the sweetest souls, served as host for the event. Of course, Mari, the inspiration behind the book, made a noteworthy and memorable apprearance.
Check it out here!
Ahhhh, having it all. What does that really mean?
House, career, family and a poppin’ Instagram feed? Maybe. I challenge the notion of having it all, understanding that it’s impossible and not necessarily realistic.
A reality check: my house isn’t exactly clean right now. There’s baskets of clean clothes waiting to get to their destination. My to-do list is long, but I keep visiting the Southwest website mentally planning a vacation. I don’t always do well with eating breakfast and find myself eating hot chips at 10 AM (let the judgement commence).
On the other side of that, I’d like to think I’m killin’ it in other areas. My husband and I are working daily to build the life we want together and that means figuring out everything from dish duty to our next childless vacation. Parenting, for all of its challenges, is pushing me to handle myself in a better way. After all, I am my daughter’s first role model and know how much she’s watching me. I also enjoy the career I’m building and the opportunities I help create for students in Kansas City.
My reality is that having it all isn’t my goal. I often joke about being #TeamTooMuch and I know myself well enough to know when I’m getting there. For me, that looks like weekends filled with places to be and weeknight commitments that leave me drained. I can also see it when my space gets a little too cluttered and I end up prioritizing the not-so-important tasks, while procrastinating on the big ones. Before I get there, I have to plan ahead and remember that rest needs to be prioritized as well.
Furthermore, I don’t get to do all the things that I want to do without a supportive partner. In practice, this looks like sticking to the household and parenting duties we’ve agreed to, while also adjusting in real time when life begins to do what it does best: life. My husband doesn’t hesitate to help me reel it in when he recognizes that I’m overwhelmed or getting there. We also get to do life and creating time for us because of my mother. Not only does the time my daughter get a chance to keep a strong bond with Gaga, we get a chance to stay connected and grounded as a couple, knowing that it strengthens our entire family unit.
Of course, I can’t neglect myself, Crystal, the individual. Showing up for myself is a daily, intentional practice. I get up before my squad just to get myself grounded, to feel like I’ve had a few minutes for me before the morning hustle and bustle. It might also mean a glass of wine and a bubble bath on a weeknight, journaling to get thoughts out of my head, taking a walk, getting a pedicure or ordering takeout to preserve my energy.
I heard something recently about the idea of balance not necessarily being the goal and I’m sitting with that thought, especially as I understand that having it all is impossible. There will always be some give and take, but the most important lesson is holding you and who you value close, while eliminating anything that isn’t in alignment with said values. Easier said than done, perhaps. Yet in all things, being consistent in that practice is definitely a game changer.
Photo Credit: Black Coffee Photo Co.
For me, the calm and still that fill the house first thing in the morning are priceless. Simply being able to move around, gather my thoughts and brew some coffee before diving into the morning routine are both necessary and essential. Everybody’s day starts off better when I’m able to correctly gather myself.
Being a mom to the most beautiful, most intelligent brown skinned girl in the world for the last four years has brought out a type of strength and resilience that I hadn’t experienced before. Being married to the most handsome, most knowledgeable husband who can come in with the right words at the right time has also given me a soft place to land and lay my head when times get tough.
Even as those things are true, this is also true: I am more than a mom and wife. The journey to figuring that out has been tricky, not always a straight path, but one I am committed to figuring out, for myself. I know that a strong, sturdy and solid individual ultimately makes me a stronger partner and parent. For me, it is being able to define myself first without needing to include my proximity to other people. I think about it like this: a kid screaming “Mommy” from the other room when she first wakes up will end soon and I hope she will be off continuing to live her best life. How can I help her be the best version of herself if my sole purpose is tied up in my relationships with other people? Tough to say out loud, but the reality I sit in.
As I mentioned, this journey is not as simple as it sounds. Yet at the same time, I’ve been able to identify simple ways to show up for myself and remember who I am. This includes the self-care activity of a bubble bath, wine and candles. For me, it also means a daily journaling exercise to capture the joy from the day and sometimes the joy is as simple as being able to watch TV. Writing it down now is helpful to revisit when I need a reminder of the good things that are right in front of me.
Being more than a mom and wife means understanding when a timeout is needed. Being able to say, “Y’all are getting on my nerves” isn’t comfortable, yet having the awareness is critical. I also recognize that being Superwoman is not actually #goals. No, I will not be packing Pinterest perfect meals for my kid to take to school everyday (shoutout to my husband for helping me to see this) and she will not have us running around every weekend from activity to activity.
This also means saying yes to myself by committing to keeping my therapy sessions, setting time aside to hang out with my friends and giving myself permission to rest without guilt. Being more than a mom means saying what I need outloud from my husband as well as calling on the village (read: my mom) to keep the kid for an overnight stay.
The journey to being the best me isn’t easy, but well worth it, for everyone I love.