Family

This year, my husband and I are celebrating seven years of marriage. We had our first date in May 2009, experiencing a whole lot of love and laughter since then, but at the same time, we acknowledge that the journey hasn’t been all roses and sunshine. The most important part is the commitment to us, our family and our partnership.

It was truly an awesome feeling for us to start our anniversary weekend reflecting on our life and love up until this point, while also looking ahead to #foreverett.

To celebrate our 7th anniversary, we decided to celebrate with other Black couples by hosting game night at our home. I was a bit extra by asking all of the couples to share their favorite photo together so that I could create a Canva slideshow. The goal was to showcase and celebrate the power of our love.

Truthfully, there wasn’t a whole lot of game playing (although I was fully prepared), but that was perfectly fine. I take pride in having a circle of friends that can just vibe, chat and hang, period. There was great conversation and reflection on life and life as married couples. Between seven couples, 60+ years of marriage was represented, ranging from one year to 20 years.

After an intense round of Left, Right, Center and a weak round of the Water Challenge, we ended up having a conversation about lessons learned from marriage. My husband posed the question, “What is one word you would use to describe marriage?” While so many gems were dropped from reflecting on how our trauma and upbringing impact our relationship to how we must deal with ourselves first, evolution was the word that I found to be most powerful and real from the conversation.

Time, life and experience change us in so many ways. Add children to the mix and there are more lessons to learn and grow from. Even as our relationships evolve, we have to continue to grow together, communicate effectively and stay committed to doing life together. It means reflecting on who we were when we first got together, while still holding space for the ways that we are going to change over the decades.

Here’s to continuing to celebrating love, creating our own story and evolving together.

The Impossibility of Having It All

Ahhhh, having it all. What does that really mean?

House, career, family and a poppin’ Instagram feed? Maybe. I challenge the notion of having it all, understanding that it’s impossible and not necessarily realistic.

A reality check: my house isn’t exactly clean right now. There’s baskets of clean clothes waiting to get to their destination. My to-do list is long, but I keep visiting the Southwest website mentally planning a vacation. I don’t always do well with eating breakfast and find myself eating hot chips at 10 AM (let the judgement commence).

On the other side of that, I’d like to think I’m killin’ it in other areas. My husband and I are working daily to build the life we want together and that means figuring out everything from dish duty to our next childless vacation. Parenting, for all of its challenges, is pushing me to handle myself in a better way. After all, I am my daughter’s first role model and know how much she’s watching me. I also enjoy the career I’m building and the opportunities I help create for students in Kansas City.

My reality is that having it all isn’t my goal. I often joke about being #TeamTooMuch and I know myself well enough to know when I’m getting there. For me, that looks like weekends filled with places to be and weeknight commitments that leave me drained. I can also see it when my space gets a little too cluttered and I end up prioritizing the not-so-important tasks, while procrastinating on the big ones. Before I get there, I have to plan ahead and remember that rest needs to be prioritized as well.

Furthermore, I don’t get to do all the things that I want to do without a supportive partner. In practice, this looks like sticking to the household and parenting duties we’ve agreed to, while also adjusting in real time when life begins to do what it does best: life. My husband doesn’t hesitate to help me reel it in when he recognizes that I’m overwhelmed or getting there. We also get to do life and creating time for us because of my mother. Not only does the time my daughter get a chance to keep a strong bond with Gaga, we get a chance to stay connected and grounded as a couple, knowing that it strengthens our entire family unit.

Of course, I can’t neglect myself, Crystal, the individual. Showing up for myself is a daily, intentional practice. I get up before my squad just to get myself grounded, to feel like I’ve had a few minutes for me before the morning hustle and bustle. It might also mean a glass of wine and a bubble bath on a weeknight, journaling to get thoughts out of my head, taking a walk, getting a pedicure or ordering takeout to preserve my energy.

I heard something recently about the idea of balance not necessarily being the goal and I’m sitting with that thought, especially as I understand that having it all is impossible. There will always be some give and take, but the most important lesson is holding you and who you value close, while eliminating anything that isn’t in alignment with said values. Easier said than done, perhaps. Yet in all things, being consistent in that practice is definitely a game changer.

Photo Credit: Black Coffee Photo Co.

About

Looking to contact Crystal? Email: info@crystaleverett.com.

Crystal Everett is an educator who has spent more than a decade working with youth in the K-12, higher education and non-profit spaces. She believes that it is a combination of education and empowerment that equal opportunity for students. She looks forward to connecting with fellow educators as they support Black students in a variety of educational spaces.

In September 2022, Crystal published her first children’s book, Mari and Mommy Move It!, inspired by her daughter and her love for music and dance.

Crystal is also the founder of Everett Consulting Group LLC, an organization focused on educating and empowering both students and their supporters about college and career related opportunities. She recently launched a podcast, Conversations with Crystal, where she talks with education experts in the field, ranging from early childhood to higher education. Through her consulting work, Crystal has also served as a facilitator for the Parent Leadership Institute KC for the past five years, supporting parents and caregivers as they advocate for all children.

She earned degrees in Public Relations and Sociology from Drake University in 2010 and a Master of Education in Human Relations from Northern Arizona University in 2012.

In 2019, Crystal received the Young Alumni Loyalty Award from Drake University, as well as the Rising Star Award from the Missouri Association for College Admission Counseling.

She is a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. In addition to working to support students, one of her favorite endeavors is navigating life with her husband, Marquis, as they raise their daughter, Mari.